Cultural Question?

my neighbour has died suddenly - ( an Indian man). Not sure if it is appropriate to send flowers %26amp; or sympathy card. Not sure of his religion. He has left a wife %26amp; young children. Any advice on how I should pay my respects?

Cultural Question?
Hi David;


I have to always remind myself in these situations that some realities supercede ethnic, religous and social constructs...such as loss and suffering. The nature of your sensitivity indicates that you are a thoughtful being.


I suspect that the most compassionate expression would be to walk next door and ask your neighbors how they are. Ask if they need anything that you can help them with at this time. Ask how neighbors and community members unfamiliar with their customs might honor their husband and father.


I have found it kinder and more genuine to avoid all of the %26#039;safe%26#039; rituals that we culturally rely on (flowers and cards).


If you can determine through your vist that your neighbor is Hindu I have included Emily Post%26#039;s bereavement advice.





Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service.





After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit with them.
Reply:Send a card and do what your heart tells you to do.Follow your heart and you will never go wrong!!
Reply:A card expressing your sympathy, (and maybe a casserole cos i don%26#039;t suppose the wife feels much like cooking.)
Reply:Send a sympathy card. If you are even just a nodding acquaintance then make an effort to speak to the wife and offer her your sympathy.
Reply:yes definitely





a bunch of flowers for the widow, at home rather than a wreath.





and a letter or card as long as it doesn%26#039;t have symbols of a (wrong) religion
Reply:I WOULD JUST SEND A BASIC SYMPATHY CARD.


NOT THE ONE FOR A CERTAIN RELIGION.
Reply:Just call and ask if you can drop by for a few minutes. Bring something to eat and offer to watch the children.
Reply:A sympathy card would be a very nice gesture,and the fact that you have taken the trouble to seek advice on the right thing to do shows that this lady and her family have a very caring neighbour,just be yourself.
Reply:A card...and maybe a home made food...American Indian or Hindu? Try to make it a homemade dish that reflects his ethnic background. Even if u buy it and put it in a dish...it%26#039;s showing respect for his culture. Or, just a card if you don%26#039;t want to do much else.It%26#039;s nice of you to care enough to take the card over and offer your condolences. What a good neighbor!!!!
Reply:And, since the most likely religions are Hindu (no beef and maybe n meat at all) and Muslim (no pork), that casserole had better be a vegetarian one!
Reply:A card would be a wonderful gesture, and I%26#039;d check his obituary, often people request a donation in lieu of flowers.





Going on advice given to me by a friend whose daughter passed away, bringing food isn%26#039;t a good idea. At this time they are probably not even interested in eating, especially someone else%26#039;s cooking, and most of the extended family and close friends will be bringing some sort of food.
Reply:send a card and keep it simple x



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